Its been a while

The house issue isn't going so well. I hired an attorney and a realtor to assit me in selling my house. We had one offer but she decided the house wasn't for her. We did have another offer but it was so low I would have no money to find a new place to live after paying the lawyer and the realtor.
I can think of other options, but they really aren't options because I don't know if it would work out. One is that my son can go live with his dad while I am travelling for the summer. But he has yet to get his own apartment. Also, I don't know if he'd be able to take the dog, too. I was told I can turn the house over to the mortgage company and let them go through the process of evicting me, but I will be out of town a lot, so I don't see how that would work, either.
I am praying something gets accomplished soon. I am supposed to leave for Vegas on the 22nd, the same day my house is to be auctioned. Lord, please make a way in this impossible situation, Amen.

Some not so great news

I found out last Thursday that my house is scheduled to be auctioned off on April 22. Bank Of America claims they sent me a certified letter stating so, which the did not. I am currently working with an organization to try to stop the auction.


In a previous post I wrote about my house, and how I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep it. Now I don't know if this is God trying to tell me to let it go or what, but if it is, I would have liked to be the one to make the choice instaed of having it made for me. Even if I got to keep the house, it really has become too much. With all the work that needs to be done, and me travelling, its just a burden. So, I am going to try to sell it before auction. It is indeed a fixer upper, but I am asking a fairly low price for 5 rooms and in a greeat neighborhood.


I'd write more, but I am exhausted today, and my thoughts are not as clear as I'd like. For those who pray, please pray I get a quick sell, and find a nice home I can afford quickly. I will keep you all updated.

How God works things out...

    I travelled to Providence, RI last weekend for work. We were doing demos at the Home Show. I got to stay at the Providence Biltmore Hotel, which is absolutely beautiful. The old glass elevator is a historical landmark, so they had rebuilt the hotel around it. I have pictures but can't get them off my phone at the moment. I made decent money too, so that's a plus.

    Sometimes God has to hit me over the head with a brick to get me to see something. In my previous post, I asked if all this being away from home and being tired was worth it. But after talking to someone and thinking more, how could I have not seen what a huge blessing has fallen into my lap? All because of a divorce. If my husband had not left, I would not have taken this job.  I am gaining confidence, making good money, traveling, and meeting new people all the time. The fair season is coming up, and my boss has asked me specifically to travel with her to places like Minnesota. I've always wanted to see the rest of my country, but it was nothing but a pipe dream at one point. Now, it is a reality.

    I believe that God is restoring to me 'what the years of the locusts have eaten'. I never thought anything good would come out of my divorce. I must not be so quick to put God in a box.

What is this really costing me...

    I've been super busy on the road for work. I did a home show this past weekend and am leaving today to do another. My feet still hurt from the last one!! I really enjoy doing the shows, however I feel I may be sacrificing too much for the sole cause of making money.

    I have had to miss the last few weeks of church for the job, and will be missing it again this week. Due to my JRA, my feet are still swollen and sore from last weekend. So I wonder, is this worth it? Am I sacrificing my health and my relationship with God so I can make money? I'm not sure, but I do know I need to work so I can try to keep my house and pay my bills. Jobs are so scarce in my area, I have tried to find other work but to no avail. I really need some direction.

The Albatross around my neck

   In my last post I wrote about trying to save my house. However there is a battle raging inside of me. In many ways, this house is 'the albatross around my neck'. You are probably wondering why I say that. 
   I grew up in this home, and let's just say for now I didn't have a happy childhood. I am an adult child of two raging alcoholics. They never took good care of this house. When I aquired it, I aquired the smoke stained, hole filled walls. My husband and I began to work on it, but as you read in my last post, I do not have the means to finish it. I am torn, because the house was a gift from my mom, who has since gone home to be with Jesus. But if you could see the mess this house was in, you would understand. 
    Even if I keep the home, I have no idea how long it would take to get the house in a condition where I am not ashamed to have guests over. Almost everything needs to be remodled, the kitchen, bathroom, bedrooms, etc. 
    I have thought about selling it. The house isn't worth much, and the mortgage isn't too high, and I could probably use the profit to buy a nice mobile home or pay rent for a while. 
    Another thing that has me torn is the neighborhood I live in. We are more like family than neighbors. We fix each others cars, watch each others dogs, help shovel the drives of each neighbor. Our kids have grown up together, too. I would be hard pressed to find another neighborhood like this one. 
    So I am praying for God's direction in all of this. It is a huge decision and not one I want to enter into lightly. 

We interrupt this blog to bring you a foreclosure

    I need to share this with you, it has me very frustrated. I had to attend a seminar today that gave information on how to use NACA to help me avoid losing my home due to unfair mortgage practices such as predatory lending and adjustable interest rates.
    I wonder sometimes how did I get here? What could I have done differently? First, I could have been more educated on loans and mortgages. I really knew nothing about how they work, and I believe my lender knew this. My mortgage was a no income verification loan. When we got it, we were doing okay financially, however that changed one year due to an illness and a major flare up of my JRA (juvenille rheumatoid arthritis). We had hope eventally we would end up in a better financial position, but we did not. Things had been very tight, robbing Peter to pay Paul.
    A little over a year ago, my husband stopped giving me the bank account number so I could send them thier payments when we could afford to pay. I should have put my foot down then, however the church I was attending at the time told me to just pray more, submit more, respect him more and pray about where I was falling short.
   I tried to work with the mortgage company but to no avail. I was working, however what I was making wasn't enough to send the payment out of my own check. As of today, I am almost a year behind, I cannot pay them because what I do make at my job barely keeps the lights on and food on the table.
    Could I have done more to rectify the situation? Maybe, maybe not. But that is water under the bridge, and while I am doing the best I can right now, it still doesn't seem like enough. His leaving left a wake of carnage in my life, to which he feels no responsibility. I struggle with forgiveness, I have to remind myself everyday that just as I have been forgiven, I also must forgive. How difficult it is though when that carnage is staring you in the face every day.

Welcome to my blog...

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. The purpose in starting this blog is to give me an outlet for what I am going through at this point in my life. I hope that others can share their experiences, strength ad hope if they have gone through this journey, which I will share more about later. I will also be writing about other things that take up space in my mind. Just a side note; I will be using my nickname and initials to protect other’s privacy.
I am a 38 yr old mother of a 19 yr old son. I am a devout christian. I am also going through a divorce, not of my choosing. My husband of 16 yrs left me back in August of 2009, much to my shock and amazement. I knew that things were not great between us. We had communication issues and financial issues. But never did I think he would come home from work one day and tell me he was leaving, especially after he had told me a few weeks earlier that he told someone we were doing okay.
Shortly after he left I discovered he had started drinking again and smoking marijuana behind my back. I was not surprised, as a wife we have that intuition that something just isn’t right, but we can’t quite put our finger on it. Friends of ours had know this, but didn’t tell me because, as they say, “they didn’t know how”. As you can imagine, I felt humiliated. I felt  stupid because I was his wife, I should have known.
About a month after he left, I was sitting at my computer, having a coffee and puttering around on the net. I see a vehicle pull up and someone in the passenger side lean over for a few seconds, and then get out. That man was my husband. I put two and two together and when he got to the door, I asked him who it was. He told me and I asked if he was seeing her. He said yes. You cannot begin to imagine the grief, humiliation and anger that came over me. How could he have his mistress drop him off in front of the house we shared for years?
There is much more to the story. I want to share this because in many churches today, divorce is seen as the ultimate sin. I do not believe it is, and I will write about that later. I welcome your comments as I walk through this journey with God by my side. However, to make it perfectly clear, I will not accept comments about divorce is sin, comments about divorce and remarriage being adultery, how God hates divorce.  But that is also a discussion for another time. This place is for encouragement and support, I intent to keep it that way.