I need to share this with you, it has me very frustrated. I had to attend a seminar today that gave information on how to use NACA to help me avoid losing my home due to unfair mortgage practices such as predatory lending and adjustable interest rates.
I wonder sometimes how did I get here? What could I have done differently? First, I could have been more educated on loans and mortgages. I really knew nothing about how they work, and I believe my lender knew this. My mortgage was a no income verification loan. When we got it, we were doing okay financially, however that changed one year due to an illness and a major flare up of my JRA (juvenille rheumatoid arthritis). We had hope eventally we would end up in a better financial position, but we did not. Things had been very tight, robbing Peter to pay Paul.
A little over a year ago, my husband stopped giving me the bank account number so I could send them thier payments when we could afford to pay. I should have put my foot down then, however the church I was attending at the time told me to just pray more, submit more, respect him more and pray about where I was falling short.
I tried to work with the mortgage company but to no avail. I was working, however what I was making wasn't enough to send the payment out of my own check. As of today, I am almost a year behind, I cannot pay them because what I do make at my job barely keeps the lights on and food on the table.
Could I have done more to rectify the situation? Maybe, maybe not. But that is water under the bridge, and while I am doing the best I can right now, it still doesn't seem like enough. His leaving left a wake of carnage in my life, to which he feels no responsibility. I struggle with forgiveness, I have to remind myself everyday that just as I have been forgiven, I also must forgive. How difficult it is though when that carnage is staring you in the face every day.
2 years ago
I'm not a Christian, so perhaps my views are different, but I wouldn't expect you to be forgiving so quickly. You're still pulling yourself out of the wreckage that is his doing. I wouldn't say to wallow in self pity, but allow yourself the time to be angry and find ways to fix the broken pieces before worrying too much about forgiveness.
ReplyDeleteI had someone who hurt me terribly in my younger years. I had to go through therapy and really take my time to understand the levels on which I'd been hurt; only then could I really begin to forgive, and the forgiveness has stayed. Although I won't forget what happened, I don't harbor the anger and rage anymore. I could have said I forgave that person right away, but I had to work through my emotions first. My therapist gave me a safe place to rage without taking it out on my loved ones, and without taking it out on myself, and most especially, without doing something stupid to the person who hurt me. Have you considered therapy or groups to help you in the grieving process?
I also hope that you find a church that is more supportive of you! To tell you to submit to a husband who is withholding banking information and putting your house into foreclosure does not seem to be following the teachings of the Bible as I understand them. The husband has a role, too, and if he was unwilling to live up to his role, it seems quite unfair for you to have to shoulder the burden of that.
Fortunately I ma in a wonderful church now, and if not for them well, I don't know where I'd be. I am in therapy, and have a wonderful relationship with her. Part of my problem is I don't vent when I need to. hen I end in explode mode, lol. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.
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